Broken Chain

I think most people have been touched by death in one form or another. Whether that be a pet dying or someone you knew. Either it has happened to you or will happen at some point. There is not a single person immune to death. I personally had not been in the midst of grief before. Of course I had pets die but I am not really an animal person so they did not inflict that much pain.

As a parent your worst nightmare is losing a child. Whether you lose that child in the womb or when they are 60 it doesn’t matter. There will never be enough time with your children. Burying a child is unnatural. It goes out of the order of how it is supposed to happen. Your children are supposed to outlive you and have a long a prosperous life.

When I was pregnant with each of my 3 children I would talk to them and tell them all the great things they would be when they grew up. I would tell them as long as they are happy and healthy I would be happy too. That was the first link in my chain. I have and had great dreams for my children and when one dies the chain breaks. All the great things they could or would do is no longer on the table. Then these tiny people are born and start developing their own identities. The things you like may not necessarily be what you like but it’s another link in your chain of dreams. All the little moments and big ones build your chain of life. You and your children are connected in ways that you cannot imagine till you lose one. You at that point realize you are now a broken chain. The big test after this is whether you will be able to piece your chain back together to keep going. I hope I am doing that. I have 2 girls that need me to keep the chain strong. I will always have a whole where Drew was and is in my heart but I hope and pray that my love for him and my girls is enough to hold that chain together.

The day I had found out Drew had died people started flocking to my Mom’s house. I had and have some wonderful friends that help me through this but when tragedy strikes the other people that loved Drew need the support too. I ended up being the one giving the support and being the strong one. I became the comforter vs the comforted. I think at this point I realized how special of person Drew really was because he touched so many people’s lives. That day will be forever etched in my mind not only for the horrible thing that happened but that God was showing me that all my worrying and hard work had payed off. Drew had become a good person. And what more do we want from our children then to become “good” people.

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