Capture Your Grief Day 23: Love Letter

I wanted to do this days post on the blog to give it more a reverence that it deserves. This has been a hard post as to what to say in my my love letter. I have been thinking for days as to what my heart wants to tell. Your first child holds a special place in your heart. It’s not that you love them more but you and them have experienced so many things together. They were the person that came into this world and gave you the title of mother. They are the children that you fret and worry that you are doing your job. I love all my children to the depth of my bones but Drew was the one that started it all. He is the one that put me on this amazing, wonderful, terrifying, and heartbreaking journey of motherhood.

Dear Booger Bear,

I remember the exact moment and time when I found out you were coming into this world. At the time I did not know it was you, all I saw was a little plus sign that told me that my world was about to change. Your father and I were so excited to find out that we were going to become parents. We would lay awake for hours talking about what a great time we were going to have with a child of our own. We would talk about whether you were going to be a boy or a girl and whether or not your were going to have my blue eyes. I would lay there and put ear phones around my stomach and play classical music so that you could be intelligent. I would rub my belly in hopes that you could feel that I was “hugging” you from the outside. I’ve loved every bit of you since before you were born. Then you came a slugging into this world and I knew I was going to have my work cut out for me.

You were such a happy baby. From the time you woke up till the time you passed out. You have always loved to see the people around you smile. Oh how I love your smile. You started getting bigger and you realized you could show your love other ways. You would come up to me and tell me that you were going to go to your room to play but you needed a goodbye hug before you left. I would shake my head and laugh knowing you were just going into the other room to play. Every chance I had I loved to tell you all the ways I love you. I love you all the way to your ears. I love you all the way to your chin. I love you all the way to your shoulders. I love you all the way to your belly. I love you all the way to your knees. I love you all the way to your toes, as I would tell you this I would kiss each part I named. I see know it’s not so strange that you were such a loving person when everyone around you showered you with love. Sharon's phone 11-12 140

There are so many things about you to love. I love your imagination, it was never boring raising you. We would pretend to be firefighters and you would wear your fireman boots for weeks. You would come up with the most amazing stories. In all your stories there was always a superhero and somehow and someway he would need to get home to his Mommy so she wouldn’t miss him. You would sit in a hole you had dug in the backyard for hours hoping you would finally find a dinosaur bone. I love that you are hopeful. I wanted to foster that hope so I spent several days turning an old chicken bone into a “dinosaur” bone. You were so excited to find this “dinosaur” bone in the backyard. Sharon's phone 11-12 191

I love your sense of humor. You would get knock knock joke books from the library so that you could tell anyone who would listen a joke. To be honest the jokes were not that funny but I would laugh because I loved the way You told the joke. Most of your elementary teachers would tell me that you were the class clown. You would go the extra mile to make someone laugh. Sharon's phone 11-12 146

I love your sense of enthusiasm. You would get so excited for anything you really liked. Seeing how something made you so happy made me realize that it is the little things in life that are special. If you did something you did it with gusto and style. Whether that was jumping off the garage dressed as Batman or tackling the opposing teams quarterback. Sharon's phone 11-12 078

I love your sense of adventure. When it was time for our little road trips you would be the first one with the map trying to decide which direction we should go next. You would try anything once even (and especially) if it was a bad idea. You were not afraid to learn from your mistakes and I love that about you.  Sharon's phone 11-12 246Sharon's phone 11-12 248

I love your empathy. There were times that your empathy would hamper you but it would never stop you to reach out to someone that needed you. I love that you care deeply. There were so many stray animals we took in because you did not want to see an animal alone or scared. One time you were in 3rd grade and there was a little boy that was being picked on because he had special needs. You decided that you were going to be his body guard. For the rest of that year you sat with him at lunch and played with him at recess. You invited him to your birthday that year and this boy was so happy, he had never been invited to a birthday party before. I love that you can reach out and know what some people need and try to give that to them.

I love your loyalty. If someone is a good friend to you no matter what you will return that. You do not take the word friend lightly and anyone in your circle becomes family.

I love your love. I love the way that you love me and everyone around you. You always wanted to hug and show your love and anyway you could. It helps that as a family we showed no fear in showing you kids love but I think honestly it is just you. I love you. I love everything about you. As you would always tell me “I love you to infinity and beyond”…

I will love you forever, and like you for always as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be……….

XOXO Mama

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