Memories

You don’t realize how precious your memories are till one of the pieces of you heart dies. When they die all you have left is memories of the past because there is no future. There is not going to be another birthday or Christmas.

I really wish I wasn’t the one in charge of the memories. My memory is pretty finicky normally, when going through stress it is even worse. I have always been that way. Once something was over and done with my mind just lets it go. I vaguely remember things from when I was a kid but for the most part I only remember when someone tells a story and reminds me. It is a little easier to remember the kids when they were little but I feel the fog coming and that scares me. I don’t want to forget him. I NEED to remember him because if I don’t know one will either, why should they if his own mother can’t remember.

I found an old VHS tape of when Drew was in kindergarten. He was so small but I did not remember this performance at all. Then I started crying cause of all the other memories I have forgotten. I had a computer crash when he was in about the 5th grade and I lost so many photo’s of when they were little. I wish I knew then how to backup and save the files other places. Needless to say I have a big gap in my pictures of their childhood.

When someone dies people don’t know if they should keep talking about the person that died. The memories hurt, the feelings are too raw. If we don’t speak of them and tell the stories then the end is so final. Drew was never a person that hid in the corner, he was never one to blend in. If you met him you remembered him. He was memorable. He was funny. Most times he felt like he was funnier than he really was. He did not want to let a joke die. He would go on and on about something. That is how I feel we need to do with him. We need to keep talking, telling the stories, keep his memory alive. The thought of him not being around is hard enough, but the thought of me being the only one that remembers him is torture. I know in my mind that I am not the only person that will remember him but my heart talks for me quite a bit lately.

So I ask all of you that read this if you know someone that has lost someone don’t stop speaking of them. Yes it may hurt but it hurts worse to know that they aren’t remembered of thought of. There are so many little moments that make like grand and when you are in the darkness being reminded of the love they had for everyone makes it easier to get through it. Drew loved hearing stories about himself, especially when he was little.

 

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