Batman

I have a love/hate relationship with Batman. To be quite honest it is mostly hate. I was very girly growing up and there were not whole lot of girl superheros for us to admire to be so as a kid my knowledge of superheros was very limited. Although Evil Knivel was the bomb. That all changed when Drew came around. He loved anything action related. If it could fight or could be turned into a weapon that was his kind of thing. I was even one of those mothers that said I would never let me son do that…oh how I didn’t realize they are going to do it anyways.

Drew loved Batman. He loved that Batman was just a “regular” guy with gadgets. I think that idea gave him hope that he could one day be Batman and he sure did come up with some wild stunts practicing his “Batman”. Batman antics took us to the emergency room more times than I can count. Numerous sets of stitches and a realization that a 9 year old can not jump off the garage and come unscathed like Batman does.

Drew was about 2 when he was running around the living room with a towel wrapped around his neck like a cape when I hear this clunk and then the blood curdling scream. He had been jumping from the coffee table to the couch and back to the table when he missed his mark and hit the side of the coffee table just right. This adventure gave Drew 9 stitches and a story that seemed to get bigger and bigger every time he told it. Mind you he was little so he probably did not remember that actual incident but they way he told it you would think the Joker was actually in our living room at the time. As he got older and he would be telling people the story of his scar I would just smile. Batman gave Drew many more ideas especially when it came to tormenting his sister Madison. One day they were playing in the dining room and Drew asked me where the saran wrap was. I asked him what he wanted it for and he told me that it was top secret and he couldn’t tell me. That was my first clue it probably would not end well for either him or Madison. He loved to pretend that Madison was Poison Ivy and he had to defeat her. Poor Madison has been tied up, locked in closets and left in a tree all for the sake of Batman.

There is a new Batman movie coming out in a few weeks and I am dreading it. Drew was so looking forward to seeing it. Originally the movie was supposed to come out around the time of his birthday but I noticed on Facebook that it is coming out at the end of this month. I have even seen a countdown for the premier. Drew would have had the countdown set to his phone, he would have bought his ticket as soon as they went on sale for pre-sale and he would have been bugging me as to what shirt I would be making him to wear that night. I see the previews for the movie and I can’t take a deep breath. It is just one more nail in my reality that he his gone and will no longer be able to do the things that he so loved to do.

I’ve thought of going to the movie just so I can feel a little closer to him but I don’t think I am strong enough for that. I will wait to see it when it comes out on video so that if I start crying in the middle I don’t have to explain to anyone. Oh man do I miss him and I wish I could say that it is getting easier. I miss the vigor he lived his life with and I miss the antics he would pull. It’s not fair that he is not here to be able to do these things. It’s not fair I have to live this life without him. I was told once (or several times) that life’s not fair.

If you go see the new Superman vs. Batman movie think of Drew. Think of him with his smile and coming up with ways to save the world….or torment his sisters.

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2 thoughts on “Batman

  1. Hi Honey – If you want, I’d go to Batman and NO problem if you need to bail… I totally “get it”. Jim has the same “Be the Batman” thing that Drew did – STILL. I think Jim and Randall had an epic conversation about this at one point – maybe your wedding??! Anyway, I had written you a heartfelt response to you really beautiful and poignant post, and it was obliterated by a screen snafu. Short version: this Friday is the 6th anniversary of my mom’s death, so I have spent a LOT of time thinking about mortality, grief, etc. The initial misery does get better, but to be honest, I miss my Mom every day, and I will. She was a hugely important part of my life. Drew is the same for you. What changes is the quality of remembrance – It can take a while. I don’t adhere to the scheduled grief thing (a year…, etc.) Everyone processes things in their own way, but at some point the tsunami of leaky misery and pain over your loss evolves into a sense that your loved one is with you – always. It ‘s really true that those who die live on in our hearts and memories, the stories we tell about them, the things they leave behind, etc. Those start to become happy, comforting, a pleasure – they’ll bring a smile instead of a flood of tears so violent that you can’t drive or speak. Cut yourself a lot of slack; give yourself a lot of time. You and Drew have HISTORY in a way that many moms and kids do not. The fairness thing? It’s always a losing proposition to go there. My mom died at 68 – 30 YEARS before the prior two generations of women in her family (longevity was always just assumed). I learned the very hard way that assumptions are not truths. I have noticed, though, that those who die young seem to pack a huge amount of living in the shorter time they have been with us. That’s sure true of my mom, and it’s definitely true of Drew! Maybe it’s a compensation in the great circle of time?

    What I do know: We need to go out for coffee or lunch and catch up (my treat!). Let’s do it, ‘K? Instead of saying “we should…”, let’s DO. 🙂 You are an awesome person, and I think you have done amazing things this year. Give yourself credit. Love and hugs to all your family.

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    1. Yes…we need to how about next Monday. There are so many things that trigger my black hole that Drew holds in my heart. He did everything with gustermanns even his lack of doing things. Love ya.

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