You find that when you have lost a child you grab all the life preservers you can. Whether at that time a life preserver is just going into you daughters’ rooms at night to stare at them to make sure they aren’t going anywhere. It doesn’t matter how old my children get I love to watch them sleep and see that peaceful look on their faces. You look at them and you realize why you are working so hard to stay afloat.
You grab a book for a moment as a life preserver so you can get lost in the story and try not to relive the story that keeps replaying in your head. I have always loved to read but there are times now that I have to read so that I can get the visions of my last moments with Drew out of the repeat cycle.
You keep yourself really busy…..you find more projects, more work, more things to keep your hands and mind off where it really wants to go. I work full time. I go to school for media arts. I run a non-profit and I sell LipSense to help fund it. There are some days I am not even sure what day of the week it is.
These are my life preservers for the moment. It may not be forever. Eventually I will have to look at all this head on but for the moment I am going to stay afloat with my life preservers.